Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
