Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
