i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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