hotel room ftw
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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