the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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