I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm always down for nudity.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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