She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
