She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
