Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
