Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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