I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
