I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
