yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
