You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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