Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The power of my boobs compel you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
