somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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