i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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