he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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