i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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