im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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