My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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