Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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