As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
