I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
