I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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