My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
