you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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