4 words: hood of his car
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
