You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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