Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
