No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
