My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
