Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
