Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
