i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
