i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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