He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
