even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
