Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
