AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
