is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
