so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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