WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Im part way to drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
