I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
