official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
