I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
