Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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