so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
