Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He kissed a someone with a penis
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
