Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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