You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
