I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
