Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
