cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
