NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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