Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
