I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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