Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
